Y’all know who Jane Fonda is, right? Or you’ve at least heard of her name, maybe.
Honestly, I don’t even know all that much about her, except that she’s a fitness personality (is there more to know???).
My mom had this exact tape. And, wearing my sister’s old leotard (necessary), I would put this in the player, and do this workout every day or every other day in the living room. This was after I had moved on from Denise Austin, whose workouts I did before leaving for school, all still in my uniform.
I’d eventually advance to fitness DVDs and the like, but it’s pretty clear, yeah? I was really “into” fitness.
At 14/15, having a what I considered a “nice body” was one of the keys to being liked, was what I thought. In any case, this desire for looking a certain way went on through the rest of high school and college. I went to a fitness program at my second high school, I ran around the green-way in my neighborhood, I got suckered into Planet Fitness’s $10/month deals (and hardly went, needless to say), I’ve followed fitness blogs and YT channels, I’ve eaten fairly “healthy” (at one point in high school, I legit did a thing where I at 1/2 of everything), I kept food journals, I’ve taken countless “before” pictures, started and stopped fitness programs countless times, said I would start challenges, and surprisingly!, never did… and so it goes.
I’ve failed every single time because I was focusing on the wrong thing.
And I have, for the most part, moved beyond that faulted thinking that made me half-heartedly put effort towards the wrong goal. And I still like fitness, and want to eat healthy, but like…
do I really?
The question I have to ask myself is: what do I want, really want?
I know I want to stop feeling the occasional odd pangs of pain in different parts of my body. I know I want to not feel lethargic and fatigued, even when I’ve been laying about all day. I know I want to be more focused, and not so forgetful. I know I want to do something more productive than eat when I’m stressed (which I’m in the midst of right now), or eat when I’m bored or sad, or in any other strong emotional state.
I really have to re-think my relationship with food if I want to be successful. Even though I’m not into “diets”, I have been looking into and doing research on some particular ones, and I’m still considering the best route to take so whatever changes I make become sustainable.